A New/Old Day

Well, I'm sitting up at one in the morning, watching "The Nanny" and reading The Robe during commercials. It's been a long time since I've done this. Years, even. I used to do this when I lived in Franklin. During the summer (I don't remember which one) I would sit up and read Little Women in between scenes on Nick at Nite. Lucy and Ethyl would keep me company for a while, and then I would laugh and cry with Meg, Jo, Beth, & Amy March. It was beautful. When Nick at Nite became unavailable, I'd watch "Bear in the Big Blue House"...and as the moon would rise on the TV, the sun was rising outside my house. That was my cue to go to bed. The next day I'd sleep in and then go to the pool or something and read some more...to my heart's content. A wonderful arrangement, truly.

But lately (for a long time, actually) I haven't been able to just sit down and read. I'm just too preoccupied with....I don't know what. I feel guilty when I read. Even my Bible. I don't know why; but reading is probably my favorite thing to do...and I just haven't been able to do it for so long. And today...I felt like just doing it. Just letting go, and enjoying the book that I've been desperately trying to read since Spring Break! It was a perfect setting: light thunderstorm outside my bedroom window, a wonderful pear-scented candle lit, and me in my bed, cuddled with my dog, reading The Robe. Between this afternoon and tonight I read over 40 pages.

I know that to most people that doesn't seem like a big deal.......but for me.......it means freedom.

Well, I'm off to read some more of my book, watch "The Nanny," and maybe even work on some of this blog stuff. (I wanna write something on my chalkboard, and maybe work on the header! Oh and the font...)

Ta ta! ;)

Downpour

I really want to get a new background and layout for this thing! This one's old! Just doesn't do it anymore! I'm sitting/lying in my bed...it's 3:30 in the morning, and I don't know when I'm going to go to sleep. You see, for the past several days...maybe weeks...I've gotten into this rut. Especially with school. I really started realizing it a week ago this past Friday and then this past Thursday everything came to a head and it's been going downhill ever since. (I love listening to this rain right outside my window next to my bed...I have my peppermint candle lit in the windowsill.....should make an interesting combination with my Lavendar/vanilla wallflower... But the rain is kinda a good metaphor for how I've been feeling. One minute it's pouring....the next minute it's a light drizzle. One minute my head's about to explode with guilt and confusion...the next minute I catch a tiny glimpse of hope.) Anyway...it's like I've been in this rut and I haven't been able to get out of it. It just kept getting worse and worse. I didn't know what I was going to do. And tonight was the same thing, until about 11:00...I had been trying to get into my HW (get into that mindset) and I finally stopped and read some of my Bible (just a little bit of Philippians). When I got done, I felt a little better. (I also saw a verse I had circled that said, "And the God of peace will shortly crush Satan under your feet..." ...I think maybe it was in Corinthians...one of the two...) I felt a little more strengthened after that. I kept trying to do some work and finally it was like what I've been trying to tell myself for the past several days just really hit home (actually, I don't think it really "hit home"...I just finally was able to put it into practice), and I realized that I may not get everything done, but I can at least get something done; I may feel guilty and like a failure, but I won't feel as guilty, or as much of a failure. I realized that I needed to decide on ONE THING to work on, and while I worked on that, let that be the ONLY THING I think about. Meaning I don't think about other assignments I have to do, or assignments I didn't get done or turned in late, or my grade in the class or what I'm going to do tomorrow or anything else. Just focus on the task at hand. Trust Him to show me the "next right thing" when it gets to that. Rain stopped. (Actually, I think I might hear a light drizzle) I think I'll bring this to a close. It's almost 3:50. (Here's the rain again!) Anyway, I still have to get ready for bed, and there's still so many assignments. Don't know if I should do them or go to sleep. Tomorrow's Wednesday, so there won't be a lot of extra time to do them and they're all due on Thursday (most of them..and the rest are dependant on me getting them done in a timely manner!) *sigh* Please let me know, Father. Good thing I don't have class 'til 11 in the morning! Peace.