There are so many feelings running around through my heart right now. I don't even know where to begin. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster (to use a cliche). There are so many things I feel God's implanted in my heart. And I just don't know what to do about them or with them. I don't know where to start, and I just don't feel like people get it. Like they don't get the Vision and they don't understand me and how big my dreams really are. There are things in my heart I can't even express. I just feel like I would give ANYTHING to see them fulfilled. Everything in my being is just crying out right now for it all to come together. And sometimes I just wonder....does God even see?

So many of the things that God's taught me personally, and so many things He's placed in my heart...dreams and visions and longings........and then the people He's put in my life...all these connections. And I don't know what to do about it. It's like I see people and I think...if they could just meet w/ these people...if we could all just connect..........WHAT COULD HAPPEN?!

I just want to let it all out!!!!!!!!!! I NEED to let it out! I've got to get these ideas out. I've got to express myself, make myself understood. I want to see the fulfillment of the Dreams He's placed in me. I will DIE if I don't. I don't want to live if I can't really LIVE.

What am I supposed to do when the people closest to me don't even get it? I guess God knows....I KNOW He knows...but I still feel like I need this support system. And I know that God is more than faithful to finish the work He's begun in me. But I think He intends this to be part of that process.......this thing in me...this restlessness and discontent with the way things are and the way things look. I can't go through the motions anymore. And yet I have to be disciplined. Dreams don't go anywhere without discipline. I just feel at a loss. Oh Lord......what do I do???!