This <3 stuff is so confusing...

Well..here I am again...2:49 AM.

"Father, I am needing, I need to hear from You. To know that You're approving of what I say and do. Cause nothing really satisfies, like when You speak my name. So tell me that You'll never leave, and everything will be okay."

"In Your Presence is where I belong; in Your Presence all fear is gone!"

I've got my blog up in one window...and this post in another..so I'm listening to "In Your Presence" on my playlist as I write this (Jason Upton). Good song.

I'm in a really confusing place right now. It just seems so hard to know...is God speaking to me? Did He speak to me...or did I just want something so bad I imagined it? But the thing is...I wasn't wanting it, exactly. I wasn't looking for it! It was so unexpected....I think. It was so long ago..I wish I could remember.

I know none of this makes much sense to anybody who has the incredible misfortune of reading this mess!

More than anything God, my <3 wants to please You. At least...that's what I want. "I need You, Jesus. Come to my rescue! Where else could I go? There's no other Name by which I am saved..capture me with grace. I WILL FOLLOW YOU!" Lord, it's so hard to know...what am I doing? I'm getting carried away again..that's for sure. But is that a bad thing? I'm in over my head.......but then again it IS 3 o'clock in the morning...maybe I should "sleep on it"...

Lord..I just ask You to speak. I need to hear Your voice in the wilderness. Just change me. Make me want to do Your will, more than I want the deep things in the recesses of my <3.

But see..that's so twisted! Where do You live if not in my heart?! "You won't relent until You have it all...........my heart is Yours..." You know...these lyrics are so good, I'm just going to post all of them:

You won't relent
Until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of

GOD, THIS IS MY HEART'S CRY TONIGHT! I want to LIVE FOR YOU! And nothing but You! I just make it so complicated..and I don't want it to be. But I've been this way for so long..I don't know HOW to live any other way. Change me, please Lord. You are the Best Friend I could ever have. The only Friend. Lord, help me. I just really need You in my heart during this time. Your Word says "The heart is deceitful above all things." but it also says that Your Word is like a two-edged sword..piercing to the very heart of things. So I need You to become my Stronghold. I need You in my heart to make sense of all this. You truly are my only hope.

"Everlasting, Your Light will shine when all else fades." Lord, I'm just gonna' have to trust You. I love You. Help me love You.

"My heart and my soul..I give YOU control - Consume me from the Inside OUt! Let justice and praise become my embrace..to love YOU from the INSIDE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "And the Cry of my Heart is to bring YOU PRAISE, from the inside out, Lord, my sould cries out....LORD!!!"

Jesus. You're my Best Friend. Heal me..change me..forgive me..teach me......and lead me to do the right thing. Talk to me!!

The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled

A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems

Feels like I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me

Hear me asking
Where do I belong?
Is there a vision
That I can call my own?

Show me, I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world

~Michael W. Smith (Place In this World, from album: Go West Young Man)

GOD IS GOOD.